So, here it is, the last chapter in the tale of my very first horror convention ever. I hope you’ve liked the previous entries, and this final section will be nothing short of immensely entertaining, or so I hope.
So, I left off going to sleep about 6:30 AM, right? Well, it’s now 8:00 AM on Saturday. I awaken to David standing over me getting his vengeance for cuddle-raping his wife the night before. I open my eyes once my ears fill with “GET UP FUCKER IT’S 8 AM TIME FOR BREAKFAST.” Yes, this insane bastard literally stood over me after an hour and a half’s worth of sleep demanding I get up and eat breakfast with him. I had no choice, for I feared the worst, and I obliged him.
We get up, get cleaned up, and head out to eat. Most of the day at the show was fun, met some more very cool people, including Travis Fessler and his merry band of sideshow performers, The Pickled Brothers Circus. Travis holds two officially recognized Guinness world records, both of which relate to his sideshow. His first record is for putting the most Madagascar hissing cockroaches in his mouth and retrieving them alive in one go. He had, at one time, eleven hissing cockroaches in his mouth at once. Travis is a really nice guy, but he had eleven. cockroaches. in. his mouth. Gross. His other world record isn’t nearly as disgusting; I’m not quite sure of the details, but while it does have to do with things in his mouth (No, not that, you perv), it’s some combination of sword swallowing and whip cracking. I think Travis is a pretty kinky guy who is just using the Circus as a cover for his BDSM fantasies, but I can’t be sure.
I do know that he is a sadist, because at one point in the day, he had me remove a sword he had swallowed from his throat. It was fascinating holding a man’s life in your very hands, I’ll tell you that. He also lay down on a bed of nails, placed a piece of wood on his stomach and had myself, tipping the scales around 350 pounds, and my friend TJ who is as big as me or more, stand on his belly while he was atop these nails.
Like I said before, Travis is a really nice guy, but I can’t help but think at some point he ate paint chips while falling off his head and living under power lines.
So, the day goes on, and I’m trying to convince my friend Charli (that’s a female) to come to the show. After much coercion, she finally concedes and heads our way. Also, I can’t help but notice David and Mimi have gone, and I wasn’t aware. I guess my cuddles would just have to be postponed. So, the show is over, people are preparing for the final party, and the night has just begun. I’m in my room, still going strong on my big one and a half hours of sleep. People start filling the room once again, and the party starts hopping. I remember talking to a girl called Beef about the kinds of girls I find attractive, and she explains to me that you just have to shove them against the wall and force your love upon them. This sounds a little too rapey for me, so I move along in the night. I remember talking to a female, who was of the variety Beef and I had discussed earlier in the night, and getting along well. This is where I go dark. I remember talking, and then the next thing I know, we’re making out. Heavy petting, kissing, all the works, and I ask if she wants to come back to my room (which was full of people, so I have no idea why I thought it was a good idea). She said she needed to go find her friends first, and she’d come back. I took that at face value, and headed back to the room. So, I’m standing by the door, talking to someone, people are out on the balcony talking, smoking cigarettes, and generally being happy.
What happens next was all within the span of about five minutes, and it’s all just kind of a blur.
I was standing literally at the door, making conversation when out of nowhere, all I see is a police officer rush into the room, taser drawn, and he fires into the room. The room that was crowded with people. Naturally, everyone in the room scatters, and the culprit is being led outside. Remember Josh Felty, the guy I told you to remember from the previous entry? This is his shining moment.
After that, the party kind of died. A few people were still hanging around, but most went back to their rooms to shake off what had just happened. We all went to bed after everyone left, and waited until morning to think our options out.
Sunday morning, I woke up and immediately called David on Skype. We discussed what it meant for the Infernal Dreams crew, which turned out people loved us even more, so it was a partial win. Felty was in jail, sure, but he was a hero amongst our group.
The official charge was, I think public indecency. What had happened was, Felty was urinating off the balcony in plain sight of a cop, who was at the hotel for noise complaints. Imagine that. The cop had yelled at him, asked him to stop and zip up, and Felty was spooked, so he ran. The police gave chase, tasered him, and he was arrested.
So, after I play damage control for Infernal Dreams, my roommate, who was apparently chummy with the local cops as he was a semi-local himself, went to the police office to discuss bail options. He came back with the news that we would need $200 to get him out. A few of us began to formulate a plan, but as it was the last day of the show, most people had spent most of their money on movies, t-shirts, and autographs. We got a bucket, put a “Save Felty” sticker on the front, and got to work, even though we didn’t really expect much to come of it.
That’s when the magic happened.
We went table to table, explaining the details of what happened, and while most people were glad to know details, almost everyone pitched in. In just over an hour, we had raised the money to get him out. The local took our money and went to the holding facility. We all waited with bated breath, wondering if the local was going to run off with our money or if they would just decide to hold Felty indefinitely, because maybe they were corrupt as hell backwoods Kentucky police.
Some time passes, and the local comes back, money still in hand. Perplexed, he explained to us that they now decided it was going to be $300. We took to the begging once more, and once again, everyone pitched in as much as they could, until we had enough to get him out for the second time. So the local goes back to the holding cells a second time.
By this point, we’re all really wondering if he’s even going to get out, and if we’re going to have to divvy the money back out to the people who’d donated, and this was about to be a big, giant headache, but then again it was a cause worthy of a headache.
As we almost reached our cumulative breaking point with patience, who walks through the door but the local, with the man himself, Josh Felty, in tow. He was met with a large round of applause, and after he gave a heartwarming speech worthy of a Hallmark card, we all congratulated him on not only surviving a taser shot, but also surviving a backwoods jail cell for a night.
This is the story of my very first horror convention. I’ve been to many since then, I’ll be at many in the future, but I will never, EVER forget this one. Ask anyone there and they’ll tell you, it was definitely something special. The bond within the community that helped get Felty out of jail was something that made me realize what a great, close knit group the Kentucky horror community is. We may have internal arguments, we may have disagreements, but in the end, we’re all filmmakers, actors, and friends, and we’re all in this together, for better or for worse.